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Assuming Mysterious Roles for Men at Childbirth

April 26, 2010

Girls rule signRecently, I read a blog that contained the following post of March 27, 2010:

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how all the fathers were completely useless. It was painfully obvious they didn’t know what their role was, what was expected of them, or what their wives and girlfriends needed from them – even though most of them seemed to want to help.

I felt I needed to write an update, in all fairness, to the three fathers I’ve seen since then who have been incredible.

See you can pick apart this and see that there are these invisible, unspoken female created riles for men involved in childbirth.  Let’s look at this in smaller pieces:

(1) Useless

(2) Not know what their role is; and

(3) What women needed from them

First of all, this is pulling at the very heart of why I set to write a book for men about childbirth.  Generally this statement is correct as men are useless, they don’t know what their role is, and they have no clue what women want of them — they just want to  be involved because they love their women and hope to love their children, so they go to the birth.

But ladies, where the ^%%^&!! do you get off making expectations — is this another one of those non-direct communication games that some women play.  Men need you to be direct.  Tell them exactly what you think their part is but don’t expect them to be doulas or midwives for God’s sake.

I tell men that they should be part of the experience, but that their primary role is different from what women tell them it is.  Maybe women don’t really know what role a man should play.  Maybe this idea has been concocted from some “herbs” and a little irrational idealism of the role of men.  But don’t assume you can buy into the idea.

Assume: definition equals making an ass of u and me.  The assumptions women have for men is that they should attend birth, play a role and enjoy it.  Is that it?  No training, not male input.  Just “shut up” and do it.    This is crazy people, men have a role, and women are continuously telling them they have this nurturing, feminine role that most men aren’t cut out to assume. Women get real about this before you put on some poor fellow, something he isn’t ready to handle.  If you want him to handle it, then suggest he read some books (like Men at Birth).  My book isn’t the only one out their, but it is the only one I know that tells men from a males perspective what role they really can take that fits a male’s perspective and emotional makeup.

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