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Birth expectations

August 10, 2016

birthing_chairFor guys, they have no idea of how important childbirth is to women, unless “they’ve been there done that.”  But childbirth expectations is what I’m writing about today.  The measure between the goods and the dreamed of goods can cause a great deal of stress, pressure, and even some insanity.  This is true for other areas of one’s relationships as well.  The larger the expectation, the harder the fall when you don’t live up to those expectations.

This is relevant.  This is significant.  This can cause the difference.  Without knowing it, you can fall victim to your own poor preparation before a childbirth.  I emphasize the need to place yourself and your mate in the most conductive environment for the childbirth that she wants.  This is the big global concept that men don’t get.  They tend to be ignorant, and bury their heads into the sand of ignorance.

If you guys want some point of reference, think of going on a vacation with your significant other.  The vast differences in location, destination, and accommodation can boggle the mind.  Maybe you can rough it and hit the trails in the deep country, carrying a few essentials like water, food and shelter.  Some women can birth like great explorers, in the heat and cold, beating the odds.  They are tough, and metal is in their veins.  Others are the pampered types and need a salon in the vacation package.  They may want shopping malls, ballroom dancing, and romantic dinners.  Your not going to  take that lady out camping, though it may just confound you when she tells you how she likes camping.  Childbirth is also set with dynamics that effect choices you make.  Now don’t be surprised if you are startled by the choices she makes, but understand that birth is a totally different experience for every woman in some ways.  No two women are the same, and their vacations reveal a lot about who they really are.  What they think is a great birth scenario is what they think, and so much goes into how the arrived at that thinking, so you never know until they lay out their expectations what to think.

The problem I see is that most men are unaware of how birth is actually set up and handled.  Each community has a different set of resources.  Birth center, freed standing or connected to hospitals, and home birth and birth in a taxi cab all provide a string of differences.  Women who have a birth philosophy for the most technocratic/medical environment, don’t need to be left in the woods.  Other women will swear up a storm if their option is only that hospital with the highest C-section rate in the area.  Some will travel great distances to receive the care they desire.  Each state has its own laws about the use of midwives, too. You can’t have a natural childbirth in some medical environments.  Norms exist for each location.

You as a guy should understand these things and be supportive of finding the round peg in the round hole.  What you don’t want to see if the envisioned birth going south.  You are the wingman, and must do you best to protect that birth plans she has, but if you get on board early on, and engage in learning about birth locations and birth philosophies, then you will be better aware of what a round peg is, so that you place it in the round hole.  When it is a square peg, going into that fitting, you will find that the birth is stressful and messy.  Do what you can do and protect that birth dream by finding a birth location that fits the philosophy of your mate.





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